She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
