Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
