the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
