John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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