PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
