I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
