I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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