you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
