in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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