I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
there is glitter all over my balls
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
