I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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