a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
