Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
