we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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