when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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