i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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