I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
