More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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