listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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