Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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