i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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