I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
