Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
