The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
