Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
