If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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