I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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