I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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