I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
