he puts the penis in happiness.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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