Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I smell stomach acid.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
