remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
