i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
