I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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