i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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