I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
