6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
