Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
