my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
