i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
