I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
