If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
