i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
