why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
