someone get that fucking seahorse.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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