dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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