We named our party play list daddy issues
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
