I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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