Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
