Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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