I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
