I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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