he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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